Simply Me: Music

Sorry I haven't posted in a while; since I get paid to sit in front of a computer 40 hours a week, I have a hard time coming home and jumping on mine. Plus my phone is so convenient that I'm on my computer only a handful of times a month.

Anyway, guess what? The divorce finally finalized! We were officially separated May 17th of 2013, and everything was filed and finalized on the 13th of May this year. A WHOLE year.... one of the worst years of my life, I'll tell you that much. I thought there would be more of a relief, but things almost feel the same, even though they are different. It's strange being officially single again, I have mixed feelings about it. I have no desire to date really, at all. I'm not even in places where I can even meet people anyway, so I don't know how I'm going to even meet guys TO date; but that's where some changes are coming. I'm going to start going to a Single's Ward again next week, and I'm not super stoked about it, I'm not a fan of singles wards.... bleh! Meat markets... that's how I view 'em. But, I need to get out there somehow to meet people; guys to date, girls to friend (Hopefully... I still don't have many friends. That's honestly been the most lonely aspect of the past year.), and to put myself out there; I've become such a recluse.

I've been trying to go to the Temple every week. It's been an awesome yet extremely difficult goal. All around, I'm better to get along with when I go, and when I don't go, well, I'm not so fun. But when I do go every week, I seem to be guaranteed a bad day every week; especially the day after. Satan tries so hard to keep me miserable, and I keep trying to not be miserable. That's one thing that has been extremely apparent to me over the past year: seeing God's hand in my life, and seeing Satan intervene.

I feel I've been harder to get along with lately because I feel everything is starting to come to the surface; as I said on FB the other day, "A fever spikes before it breaks. The night is darkest before the dawn. Our burdens are heaviest before they lighten. I can do this!" I'm incredibly insecure, I don't trust hardly anyone, I'm making slow progress which frustrates me and I don't have patience for myself, let alone others. The mourning process is long and drawn out and I'm still healing. I'm difficult, I'm intense, I'm aware that I push people away, and I just want some understanding from others. I've had little to no support dealing with this whole ordeal and going it alone has been hard. So naturally, it's going to take more time.

I'm trying to do things I've always wanted to do so I can feel like I'm still keeping my dreams alive. I'm planning on auditioning for Mo Tab (Tabernacle Choir) this summer. Music has quite literally been my saving grace this past year and I can't think of a better way to pay forward blessings to others. I've also gone out of my way to listen to more uplifting music. It was a hard transition, but can honestly say it's made a big difference! Though I do have days where I succumb and listen to my metal. :D

This summer, I'd like to go camping, hunting, and fishing. These are things I love and have not done in years and I MISS it. I turn 26 this summer as well.... that I am NOT so excited about. I hate that I'm officially in my late 20's now.... that seems so "old" to be starting over in Utah.... I just have got to have a better birthday than I did last year, it sucked.

I've had more hospital (ER) visits than I'd like in the past year, so I'm trying to be as healthy as I can.

I will end this post with some recent highlights: I've officially owned Ginny for a year! We've both grown a lot, but, I feel she's done better than me. She's been hard, but, I needed something to give more attention to than myself and I think we've both learned from each other in our time together. Also, I got myself a new-to-me car. I don't do much for myself or care for myself as much as I do my animals (They are spoiled! Well, as much as I would consider me spoiling them..), so I did this for me. I wanted a clean slate with many things since the split; a new number, phone, so a car seemed like an eventual decision as well. I also went to Comic Con all by myself and it was AWESOME!

Here's some pictures!