I figured since I'm on a journey to a new life, that I might as well start with a new blog, too. My old blog is my old life; though it's part of who I am, I don't want to drag it along with me wherever I go, so, here's to a new start!
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Sorry for the long hiatus everyone, but, it was necessary. Most of you know that my life started going down hill a year ago last December. 2013 has been anything but a kind year to me. Honestly, I'd say that I was seriously mentally unwell for about 9 months of this entire year. All my mental illnesses went from mild/moderate to severe, and I heavily considered suicide more times than I'd like to admit. I admitted myself to a psych ward for almost a week in the beginning of the year and that was a very.... educational and traumatizing experience. I left that place feeling terrified going back out into the world and with more prescriptions than I came in with. Through out the course of the year, I learned I couldn't trust almost everyone I thought I was close to and I had to start again at ground 0 to build new friendships and relationships. I have been subject, over the course of my life to now, to every form of abuse. Basically ever since March, I've had extreme difficulty finding a descent a stable job. In July, I got diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, commonly known as P.C.O.S Depending on the severity of the disease, it can render some women completely infertile, and I don't know how severe I am and probably won't know until I want to get pregnant, which is now years away for me. As you can see, I've had a horrible year.
As I've had many low points this past year, I've had some high points as well. I am now on only one medication and it has nothing to do with mental illness. I happened to be blessed with a descent job about a month ago, and I love it! I had the opportunity to go to school this semester and I have loved my class! (I'm actually really bummed that the semester is over.) I gratefully never became homeless and hungry because of my wonderful mom and sister being there for me, no matter what, as true family members should be. I also had the opportunity to make one of my dreams come true; I got to work at Nightmare on 13th (a local haunted, haunted house), and be part of the Nightmare crew, but we like to call each other family. :) **as a side note; to get hired at Nightmare, it's a 4 step audition process, and this was the hardest new hire year they had because so many nightmare veterans returned. So the fact that I got a part there was nothing short of amazing!** Through out the year, I've had a few extremely kind and giving men, that were either complete strangers to me or distant acquaintances, just give me money, and we're not talking 20 dollar bills, either. I've had other kind people fill my gas tank, give me food for my animals when I ran out, and give me gift cards as well. I know I'm missing a few others simply because I'm choosing to not mention them because they are personal to me or they temporarily slipped my mind, but, you get the picture! I've been on the receiving end of great charity and service that I will not forget. Through out my humble circumstances, I feel incredibly blessed, loved, and fortunate in my life. There are some days I forget, but, I'm human; I'm definitely more grateful than not. I happened to also have the opportunity again to work with a man I truly love and admire: Marshall McDonald. If you don't know who he is, I'd suggest you Google and YouTube him right now! He is currently the choir director at the Taylorsville Institute at SLCC's Redwood Campus. He has a day (audition) choir and a night (anyone) choir. I got to be in the day choir for a 3rd time (I've been in this choir on and off for 5 ish years). I had had promptings all year long that I needed to 'seek healing through music', and choir was an answer to prayer. Not only did I have amazing experiences, like meeting/singing for General Authorities in person, I got to meet amazing people. People who I am proud to call my friends. This semester has quite literally changed my life! My circumstances are basically the same, but my outlook has changed because I allowed the Gospel and goodness back in my life. I've been called to seek forgiveness and as of right now, it is currently the biggest challenge I'm working through. If I can walk through hell and come out with no visible damage, and still be able to testify of the Truth and Beauty of the Gospel, then you can do it, too! Remember, Heavenly Father loves you.
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